Fake John le Carré Twitter Account Fakes J.K. Rowling’s Fake Twitter Death

We’ve seen “Cormac McCarthy” Tweet apocalyptic non sequiturs. “Philip Roth” promised us a bite-sized short story. Now a fake Twitter account for British spy novelist John le Carré is spreading bizarre death rumors about J.K. Rowling. After a few days of Tweeting harmless missives, the week-old handle @JLecarre dropped this would-be bombshell on its nearly 2,500 followers Wednesday morning: 

A terrible news. My publisher phones me announcing that J.K. Rowling dies by accident. Few minutes ago. No words!

— John le Carré (@JLecarre) January 2, 2013

OK, there are at least three dead-giveaways that this is a fake account. One: If J.K. Rowling had died, does anyone credibly think John le Carré would be the one breaking the news? Rowling and le Carré don’t even share a publisher—he’s with Penguin and she’s printed by Little, Brown and Company—making this story even more implausible. Two: As noted by le Carré’s literary agent Jonny Geller, the “L” in the author’s name shouldn’t be capitalized, as it is in the handle of this hoax account. Three: Phrases like “a terrible news” and “my publisher phones me” sound more like snippets from an ESL workbook than lines from an author praised for his chilly, controlled prose style. This could again be the work of Italian media troll Tommaso De Benedetti, who copped to creating a fake Philip Roth account recently. “Twitter works well for deaths,” he told The Guardian‘s Tom Kington, describing his M.O. for spreading misinformation about the deaths of public figures like Fidel Castro and Pedro Almodóvar. 

RELATED: Pippa’s Sales Figures Are Nothing to ‘Celebrate’; Salman Rushdie and John le Carré Call Truce

Too bad John le Carrè isn’t actually on Twitter, though. Imagine the flame wars he would get into with longtime adversary Salman Rushdie—who most certainly is on Twitter, and loves using it to throw literate shade. And too bad this isn’t the handiwork of someone with more imagination—someone like the unpublished Scottish novelist behind @cormaccmccarthy. Outed right here on The Atlantic Wire, Michael Crossan at least had the chops to fool Margaret Atwood and Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey with dead-on spoofs of McCarthy’s writing: 

RELATED: Salman Rushdie’s Video Speech Gets Spiked; The World’s Priciest Books

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Springsteen to be honored as MusiCares person of the year

(Reuters) – U.S. rocker Bruce Springsteen has been named MusiCares‘ 2013 Person of the Year in recognition of his artistic achievements as well as his philanthropic work, the Recording Academy said on Wednesday.

Springsteen, 63, will be honored at a February 8 gala in Los Angeles hosted by comedian Jon Stewart and held in conjunction with the annual Grammy Awards, the recording world’s most prestigious honors which will be handed out on February 10.

“The Boss” has actively supported many charities over the years, including those focused on homelessness, hunger and helping veterans, and last year he participated in benefit concerts to aid victims of superstorm Sandy.

Among top music stars slated to perform at the MusiCares gala are Sting, Neil Young, Jackson Browne, Kenny Chesney, Faith Hill, Elton John, Tim McGraw and Patti Smith.

Past MusiCares Person of the Year honorees have included Tony Bennett, Bono, Phil Collins, Neil Diamond, Aretha Franklin Billy Joel, Elton John, Sting, Paul McCartney, Luciano Pavarotti and Barbra Streisand.

New Jersey native Springsteen, known for hits including “Born to Run,” “Born in the U.S.A.” and “Dancing in the Dark,” has won a string of honors including Grammy, Golden Globe and Academy Awards.

He has often taken inspiration from his home state and used his star platform to highlight both its charms and challenges, most notably in the aftermath of superstorm Sandy which devastated New Jersey’s famous coastline in October.

MusiCares, which was established in 1989 by the Recording Academy, maintains a foundation that provides programs and services to members of the music community such as emergency financial assistance, educational workshops and other support services.

(Reporting by Chris Michaud, editing by Jill Serjeant and Cynthia Osterman)

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Get Fit for 2013: Trainer Harley Pasternak Answers ‘GMA’ Viewers’ Questions

It’s a new year and many people have made resolutions to get fit.

Celebrity trainer Harley Pasternak ( @harleypasternak) has trained celebrities including Rihanna and Katy Perry and this morning he appeared on “Good Morning America” to show specific exercise moves to get you an all-star body.

Work the Body Parts

For Great Legs

Do sumo squats. You have to stand with your legs wide apart and toes turned out. Sink your buttocks down. You don’t even have to buy weights to do this. For added resistance, you can use jugs of laundry detergent.

For Abs of Steel

The key to amazing abs is to have a strong back. That means you have to strengthen the lower back by doing an alternating superman: lie face down and lift the left arm and right leg up simultaneously.

For a Shapely Rear End

For this it’s about a stiff dead left. Standing up and with your back straight, push your buttocks as far back as you can and come back to neutral.

For Sculpted Arms

To get toned arms you can do a close grip press-up. It’s like a push-up but instead you have your hands right under your shoulders and you press your chest up but leave your lower body on the ground.

RELATED: Jump-Start Your Weight Loss: Ask Celebrity Trainers a Question

For Manly Shoulders

Men who want impressive shoulders can do an Arnold Press, named after former California governor and fitness legend Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hold a pair of hand weights, and with palms facing toward the chest, press the weights up toward the ceiling, letting your palms rotate.

Harley Pasternak Answers Your Questions

FAST WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT?

Sanju asked : What is the best way to lose 5 to 7 pounds in two weeks?

Harley’s answer: Eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, each with a balance of lean protein, fibrous carbs, and healthy fats. Move all day! Grab a pedometer and walk at least 10,000 steps a day, and resistance train at least three days per week. Sleep seven to eight hours a night. Lack of sleep will make you hungrier and can slow down your metabolism

OVERNIGHT WORK SCHEDULE, WHEN DO I WORK OUT?

Rita of Elkhart, Ind., asked : I work overnights, 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., five nights a week. I do manage to sleep 7 to 8 hours a day. But don’t know when the best time for me to work out and eat would be. Currently I am doing everything in reverse, eating my “breakfast” at 5 p.m. and a small meal at work. I have tried exercising at 8 p.m. but find I don’t have much energy afterword. Any suggestions?

Harley’s answer: Exercise should give you energy, not take it away. If you feel exhausted after you workout, perhaps your working out too hard and for too long, or you don’t have the right fuel. Try working out when you wake up, or right after you’re done with work, or during your lunch break (probably 3 a.m. for you!)

RELATED: Apps to Help With Resolutions

HOW DO YOU STAY MOTIVATED?

Lisa of Albuquerque, N.M., asked : I am 45, 5’4? and 180 pounds. Believe it or not, I eat healthy for the most part and I know what I need to do to lose the weight (exercise a lot more), but my question is, how do you stay motivated? I am on an extremely tight budget and can’t afford a gym or the “extra healthy” foods/diet programs and I find myself getting discouraged at every turn. I’ve given up on trying to achieve the unrealistic body image I had when I was younger, now I would just like to lose the extra 50 pounds I’m carrying around and look better for me.

Harley’s answer: You are motivated. You took the time to write this question. Motivation is not the issue. It’s taking your motivation and putting it into action. Try breaking it up into small actionable goals. Did you walk 10,000 steps today? Did you sleep seven to eight hours? Did you eat protein, fiber and healthy fat with each meal? By achieving those goals you have control over, you will succeed at losing weight and keeping it off.

READ MORE : 138 Pound Weight Loss Changes Woman’s Life

TONING ARMS

Sudie of Kansas City, Mo., asked : I can’t seem to tone my arms. I do cardio four times a week, upper body two times and lower body two times. What am I doing wrong that my arms will not tone?

Harley’s answer: It could be one of many things. Are you training hard enough? Is there enough variation in your program? More important, is there fat covering the muscles of your arms that prohibits them from looking toned and lean. If so, is your diet off? Are you doing enough cardio? I leave it to you to answer.

WORKOUTS FOR WOMAN WITH KNEE PROBLEMS

Cheyenne of Tucson, Ariz., asked: Since I can remember I’ve had trouble with my knees and of course as I’ve aged, the problem has gotten worse. I don’t want to resort to surgery and have heard that I can strengthen the muscles around the knees to help, but I don’t know where to start. My knees are so bad I cannot squat down without pain, and even then cannot do a proper squat or go down very far. As for kneeling, it is nearly impossible, except for brief periods. I know losing weight will help but I need to know what I can do to get moving, helping me to not only lose weight but improve my knees to the point where I can enjoy being active again.

Harley’s answer: Obviously, without knowing what’s wrong with your knees, I’m not sure how to help them, but, swimming is a great activity for many people with bad knees and backs. Try finding a local swimming pool and get wet!

TRICKS TO LOSE LAST STUBBORN POUNDS?

Kia of Philadelphia, Pa., asked: How do I lose those last stubborn pounds? I have about 15 more pounds I would like to lose. Currently I strength train 5 times a week and do cardio five or six times a week (35 to 60 minutes). Should I increase the strength training or cardio or both to lose those last stubborn pounds?

Harley’s answer: Sounds like you’re doing all you can with your workouts so I assume it’s a diet issue for you. Try keeping a diet log and having your diet analyzed with myfitnesspal.com.

EXERCISE POST MENOPAUSE TO SEE RESULTS?

Janice of Beltsville, Md., asked : I have tried many different exercises and food plans but since I entered into menopause nothing seems to be working. What would you suggests I do to see results of a weight loss?

Harley’s answer: Are you eating as well as you can? Are you as active as you should be? If the answer is yes (and it usually is not), then see your doctor. Perhaps you have another health issue that needs to be addressed.

TONE CORE AND GET RID OF ARM FLAB?

Kittie of Huntington Beach, Calif., asked : Hi, I am 57 years old and I have consistently worked out for many years. I do weights four to five times a week and do cardio for an hour each time I lift weights. I do two 30-minute intervals of cardio, one on the elliptical and a walk run on the treadmill. I look the same all the time and not sure what I should be doing now. I would like my core to be better and flatter and my arms to look tight even without flexing my muscles. How do I flatten/tighten my core and get rid of the flab on the back of my arms? I am 5’4? and weight about 145.

Harley’s answer: Do you change up your program? Change the sets, reps, resistance, the combination of body parts, the cadence at which you’re training? Even the music you listen to can make a difference! And, of course, keep a diet log and see if you really are eating as well as you can!

EXERCISE WHILE WALKING FOR MOM ON THE GO?

Stacia of Tunkhannock, Pa., asked : I eat fairly healthy, but do not get any exercise. I would like to walk. Can you suggest something to get the most out of a walk with a 3-year-old child in tow?

Harley’s answer: Pick up a pedometer. It’s a tiny device that keeps track of how many steps you take a day. Shoot for at least 10,000 a day. Otherwise, get a comfortable pair of shoes.

MORE: Chris Powell’s New Year’s Fitness Tips

MORE: Star Trainer Tracy Anderson’s A-List Body Secrets

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C. African Republic leader faces rebel threat

DAMARA, Central African Republic (AP) — More than 30 truckloads of troops from Chad line the two-lane highway just outside of Damara, supporting Central African Republic government forces who want to block a new rebel coalition from reaching the capital.

In a display of force, the turbaned fighters hold their rocket-propelled grenades and other weapons they threaten to use if the rebels seeking to oust President Francois Bozize push this far south.

Gen. Jean Felix Akaga, who heads the regional force known as FOMAC, says a push on Damara, just 75 kilometers (45 miles) north of the capital, would be “a declaration of war” on the 10 Central African states.

“For us, Damara is the red line that the rebels cannot cross,” Akaga said Wednesday. “If they attack Damara, we will attack.”

The United Nations called for talks between the government and rebels and the Security Council scheduled closed consultations on the Central African Republic on Thursday afternoon.

The multinational force brought journalists up to Damara, where they touted the strength of the Chadian troops, who along with forces from Republic of Congo and Gabon are helping to stabilize the area.

The rebels, though, appear to be holding their positions after taking a string of towns including Sibut, which is 70 miles (112 kilometers) further north from Damara.

Back in 2003, troops under Bozize seized the capital amid volleys of machine-gun and mortar fire, and he then dissolved the constitution and parliament. Now a decade later it is Bozize who himself could be ousted from power.

On Wednesday, he announced through a decree read on state radio that he was dismissing his son, Francis, as defense minister. Chief of Staff Guillaume Lapo also was being replaced.

The president already has promised to form a coalition government with rebels and to negotiate without conditions. It’s a sign of how seriously Bozize is threatened by the rebel groups who call themselves Seleka, which means alliance in the Sango language.

Bozize says there’s one point not up for negotiation: he does not intend to leave office before his term ends in 2016.

“We can’t destroy the country. I don’t think that a transition is a good solution for the rebels, for Central African Republic or for the international community,” said Cyriaque Gonda, a spokesman for the political coalition behind Bozize.

But mediators for the government and others note the rebels — an alphabet soup of acronyms in French, UFDR, CPJP, FDPC and CPSK — want Bozize gone. And that’s the only issue the disparate group seems unified on. Seleka is a shaky alliance that lumps together former enemies.

In September 2011, fighting between the CPJP and the UFDR left at least 50 people dead in the town of Bria and more than 700 homes destroyed.

“Even if they show unity in the military action, we know that they are politically very disunited, the only thing that holds them together is the opposition to the current president,” said Roland Marchal, a Paris-based expert on Central African Republic. “If they take control of the capital I think that divisions would appear quickly.”

Gonda, who has negotiated on behalf of the government with the rebels, says some of them couldn’t even accept sitting together as recently as 2008.

Meanwhile, in some parts of the capital, Bangui, a city of 700,000, life continued as normal, while in others the military buildup was evident.

Trucks full of soldiers bounced on rutted roads dotted with shacks where people can charge mobile phones. Police officers stopped vehicles at intersections. Troops from neighboring nations have arrived including about 120 soldiers each from Republic of Congo and Gabon to help stabilize the area between rebel and the government forces.

In the Bimbo neighborhood, traders went about their business, selling everything from leafy greens to meat at roadside stands.

“We don’t support what the rebels are doing,” said banana farmer Narcisse Ngo, as a young boy played nearby with a monkey corpse for sale along with other meat. “They should be at the table negotiating without weapons. We are all Central Africans.”

Bozize, who seized power while the democratically elected president was traveling outside the country, managed to win elections in 2005 but in the years since he has faced multiple low-level rebellions that have shattered security across the northern part of this large but desperately poor country.

He won the 2011 election with more than 64 percent of the vote, though the United States said the voting was “widely viewed as severely flawed.” The U.S. evacuated its diplomats from Bangui last week.

The most prominent among the rebel groups in Seleka is the UFDR, or Union of Democratic Forces for Unity.

Human Rights Watch, which has documented abuses by both government forces and rebel groups operating in the country’s north, says the UFDR rebellion “has its roots in the deep marginalization of northeastern CAR, which is virtually cut off from the rest of the country and is almost completely undeveloped.”

The rebels, though, also have included some of Bozize’s former fighters who helped bring him to power in 2003 but later accused him of failing to properly pay them, among other grievances, Human Rights Watch says.

For the people now caught in the middle, they want life to return to normal.

“Everyone is suffering here — we have nothing to eat,” said Daniel Ngakou, 55, as he watched the Chadian troops patrol his hometown of Damara. “The women are searching in the bush all day for food. We just don’t know what will happen.”

The United Nations called on the government and the rebels Wednesday to focus on dialogue that can avert violence and lead to a peaceful resolution of the conflict and respect for the 2008 Libreville Comprehensive Peace Agreement. That deal was signed by the government and three major rebel groups.

U.N. spokesman Martin Nesirky reiterated the U.N. Security Council’s call last week for all parties to refrain from any acts of violence against civilians, respect human rights and seek a peaceful solution.

“We welcome regional efforts to seek a political solution and reinforce security,” Nesirky told reporters at U.N. headquarters in New York.

While the United Nations has temporarily withdrawn its staff from Central African Republic, Nesirky said the world body remains engaged in efforts to resolve the crisis.

He said U.N. special representative Margaret Vogt “has remained in close dialogue with the key parties in the Central African Republic and the region and has offered support to political negotiations,” he said.

___

Associated Press writer Oleg Cetinic in Paris and Edith M. Lederer at the United Nations contributed to this report.

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Your Snapchats aren’t safe: How to secretly save videos from Snapchat or Facebook’s ‘Poke’

Argue though its executives might, Snapchat is good for two things: sending photos and videos of yourself making stupid faces, and sending photos and videos of yourself naked. The latter, of course, is the more compelling function since that is exactly what the app was designed for. When users send pictures or videos, the recipient can only view them for a set amount of time before they “self-destruct.” Yes, a recipient can take a screenshot but the sender is automatically alerted when that occurs — then, as the saying goes, fool me once… As it turns out, however, Snapchat users (and users of “Poke,” Facebook’s (FB) Snapchat ripoff) can easily save photos and full-length videos received through the service without the sender ever knowing.

[More from BGR: Five tech resolutions for 2013]

As recently relayed by BuzzFeed’s Katie Notopoulos, saving photos and videos from Snapchat or Poke is as easy as connecting a phone to a computer and opening a file browser. The file browser is free and the “trick” requires no jailbreak or any other kind of hack.

[More from BGR: Can Samsung survive without Android?]

Start by leaving the photos and videos you receive in Snapchat or Poke unopened; as soon as a file is viewed, the countdown to its deletion begins.

Then simply connect to a computer and open a free iPhone file explorer like i-FunBox. Open the “User Applications” folder, navigate to the “Snapchat” entry and voilà, all of the photos and videos you have received and not yet opened are available to be copied to your computer’s hard drive.

Then go back and view them normally in the app and the sender will be none the wiser.

The file path is a bit different for Facebook’s Poke app but the end result is the same.

This article was originally published by BGR

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Low-cost Chinese film sets new record

BEIJING (AP) — A low-budget, domestically produced comedy has unexpectedly become the highest-grossing Chinese film to date.

Chinese state media say the wacky road movie “Lost in Thailand” has grossed more than 1 billion yuan ($ 160 million) since its Dec. 12 debut. The official Xinhua News Agency, citing an independent monitor of box office figures, said Wednesday that it also beat James Cameron‘s “Titanic” in 3-D, the most popular foreign film in 2012, in Chinese theaters.

Set in Thailand, the film tells the story of two businessmen who go searching for their boss in the north, and then link up with a tourist eager to explore the country. It is filled with slapstick humor and action scenes.

The previous record for a domestic film was 726 million yuan set by “Painted Skin 2.”

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Women Lose Half Their Weight: How They Did It

At 25 years old and 288 pounds, Ashley Donahoo was depressed.

“I was unhappy with my job, I was unhappy with the direction my life was going, and I had a hard time enjoying the little things that my kids wanted to do,” the 27-year-old mother of two from Pace, Fla., said. “My health was failing. My doctor told me that he didn’t think I was going to make it to 30 if I kept on [this way]. … It kept getting worse and worse.”

Donahoo was concerned, but it was her faithful husband, David, who pushed her on a path to health, starting with a walk around the block.

“His heart was breaking for me,” she said. “And he saw how unhappy I was, and he came to me and said, ‘We’re going to go for a walk.’  And I was, like, ‘No, we’re not.’”

Her husband won that battle, and on the walk, she started thinking about her own choices and future.

“The realization hit me that I made this choice.  I made this choice to get where I am right now.  So I’m going to start making a different choice,” she said.   ”I put my health and myself on back burner, and I think … it had all caught up to me.”

Jumpstart Your Weight Loss: CLICK HERE to Ask a Celebrity Trainer a Question!

Like Donahoo, Caroline Jhingory reached a similar eye-opening realization about her weight.

“I looked in the mirror one day and just realized I didn’t recognize the person that was staring back at me,” said Jhingory, 32, of Washington, D.C.

Jhingory’s struggles with her weight began early. At age 8, she weighed 120 pounds. Taunted by her peers, Jhingory was enrolled in a medical weight loss program, but it didn’t work because she would sneak junk food like candy bars.

“I found a way to be a food hustler and get whatever food I wanted,” she said. “Not only did I spend two decades of my life morbidly obese. I spent two decades of my life being taunted and teased in every environment. I never went to prom. I never had dates. I couldn’t ride a roller coaster because the safety bar wouldn’t go over my stomach.”

Jhingory remained heavy until college, when she tipped the scales at 303 pounds and started feeling self-conscious in her new environment.

“I felt like I had a moment when all these difficult experiences were a huge pause button on my life. I finally said to myself, ‘I’m tired of this. I want to have a normal life.’”

Jhingory started walking everywhere. Then, she took up a daily cardio regimen to shed the weight, and she rid her pantry of tempting snack foods she once binged on. Now 149 pounds, she has reclaimed her shape and kept off the weight.

Jhingory’s amazing transformation, along with Donahoo’s and other weight-loss success stories, were spotlighted in the “Half Their Size” feature in the latest issue of People magazine.

RELATED: Is Being Overweight Really Bad For You?

Donahoo cut out the late-night binges that brought her down and, thanks to her strong support system, lost 137 pounds. She credited her weight loss success to tracking her food and exercise on livestrong.com and running. She has run two 5Ks.

Leah Fernandez of Atlanta found herself at 251 pounds after two pregnancies. The baby weight stuck and she tended to eat emotionally.

“I wanted the food,” she said. “It made me feel good, and so I ate it.”

But it was the motivation to be there for her children that helped her turn it all around.

“Thinking about going out to the park with my kids felt like work to me, you know?  And at some point I realized that’s ridiculous. Not only am I cheating myself but I’m cheating my kids of me,” she said.

Fernandez turned to Jenny Craig in March 2011 and hasn’t looked back. Since then, she has lost half her weight by staying active with her kids and incorporating walking into her lifestyle.

“I’m getting my groove back.  Leah’s getting her groove back,” she said.

RELATED: Apps to Help With Weight-Loss Resolutions

RELATED: 329 Pound-Weight-Loss Trio Share Their Secrets

READ MORE: 138 Pound Weight Loss Changes Woman’s Life

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Israeli-Palestinian clashes erupt in West Bank

TAMOUN, West Bank (AP) — An arrest raid by undercover Israeli soldiers disguised as vegetable vendors ignited rare clashes in the northern West Bank on Tuesday, residents said, leaving at 10 Palestinians wounded.

Israeli army raids into Palestinian areas to seize activists and militants are fairly common. The raids are normally coordinated with Palestinian security forces, and suspects are usually apprehended without violence.

The clashes began early Tuesday after Israeli forces disguised as merchants in a vegetable truck arrested one man. Regular army forces then entered the town, prompting youths to hurl rocks to try to prevent more arrests.

Israeli forces fired tear gas, rubber bullets and live ammunition as youths set tires and bins on fire to block the passage of military vehicles. In several hours of clashes, dozens of masked youths hid behind makeshift barriers, hurling rocks and firebombs at soldiers.

Faris Bisharat, a resident of Tamoun, said 10 men were wounded, some by live fire. Bisharat said the wanted men belong to Islamic Jihad, a violent group sworn to Israel’s destruction. It wasn’t clear how many men Israeli forces sought to arrest. There were no immediate details on how seriously the 10 were hurt.

The Israeli military said it arrested a “terrorist affiliated with the Islamic Jihad terror group.” It said two soldiers were injured during the raid.

The fighting, which broke out in several parts of the town of some 8,000 people, were a rare, angry response. It was also unusual for Israeli forces to use live fire toward Palestinian demonstrators. Israel says it uses live fire only in extremely dangerous situations.

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Olympics, elections and horsing around in odd 2012

LONDON (Reuters) – Presidential preening, golden Olympic gaffes, a royal windfall for a skydiving British queen on her diamond jubilee and the endless end of days marked the odd stories in 2012 which pranced across the news in Gangnam Style.

The year opened with a tale that flocks of magpies and bears had been spotted in mourning for North Korea‘s “Dear Leader”, Kim Jong-il who died in December 2011 and was succeeded by his 20-something son Kim Jong-un.

Winter weather was so cold in Brussels that the Manneken-Pis, a bronze statue of a young boy urinating had to stop peeing because of sub-zero temperatures.

There was slightly warming news about Mondays in Germany, where crematoriums are struggling to adapt to an increasingly obese population and a boom in extra-large coffins.

“We burn particularly large coffins on Monday mornings when the ovens are cold,” one crematorium said.

In March Polish media reported that kite surfer Jan Lisewski fought off repeated shark attacks and overcame thirst and exhaustion in a two-day battle of survival on the Red Sea with just his trusty knife as protection.

“I was stabbing them in the eyes, the nose and gills.”

In other animal news, dairy cows across the world mourned the loss of “Jocko”, the world’s third most-potent breeding bull and Yvonne the German cow who evaded helicopter searches and dodged hunters landed a film deal: “Cow on the Run”.

A Nepali man who was bitten by a cobra snake bit it back and killed the reptile after it attacked him in his rice paddy.

“I could have killed it with a stick but bit it with my teeth instead because I was angry,” Mohamed Salmo Miya said.

A scathing resignation letter of a Goldman Sachs executive published in the New York Times inspired a sheaf of online spoofs, including Star Wars villain Darth Vader.

“The Empire today has become too much about shortcuts and not enough about remote strangulation. It just doesn’t feel right to me anymore,” Vader wrote in a published letter.

Austerity in Europe saw a once-thriving Greek sex industry become the latest victim of the country’s debt crisis with Greeks spending less on erotic toys, pornography and lingerie.

But lust appeared to be in the rudest of health elsewhere.

Turkish emergency workers rescued an inflatable sex doll floating in the Black Sea and a German disc jockey vowed to press charges against a woman who locked him in her apartment and ravaged him for hours until he rang the police.

“She was sex mad and there was no way out of the flat,” Dieter S. told police.

@ROYALFETUS

Britain’s Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 60th year on the throne with Diamond Jubilee celebrations that saw a 1,000-ship rain-sodden flotilla sail down the River Thames, a massive party in front of Buckingham Palace, street parties across the country and a spoof incarnation of her majesty on Twitter.

“OK, fire up the Bentley. Let’s rock,” tweeted “Elizabeth Windsor“, the comic online alter ego of the British monarch in a typical tweet from the spoof Twitter account @Queen_UK, a virtual monarch with a razor-sharp wit and a penchant for gin.

And Twitter positively exploded with spoof royal accounts later in the year when Elizabeth’s grandson William and his wife Kate announced she was pregnant with a future monarch.

“I may not have bones yet, but I’m already more important than everyone reading this,” was the tweet from @RoyalFetus.

Leadership and change was a theme which ran through a year in which socialist Francois Hollande defeated incumbent Nicolas Sarkozy and Mimi the clown to become French president, Vladimir Putin was elected Russian president again and U.S. President Barack Obama won re-election over Republican Mitt Romney.

Amid the tight election race, Obama met a gaffe-prone Romney for an exchange at a charity dinner ahead of the November poll, where America’s first black president poked fun at Hollywood actor Clint Eastwood for lecturing an empty chair as if it were Obama during the Republican convention.

“Please take your seats,” Obama told the crowd, “or else Clint Eastwood will yell at them.”

“THE MODFATHER”

Sporting news was dominated by the London Olympics during the summer, where the opening ceremony included a vignette of Queen Elizabeth being escorted by James Bond before apparently skydiving into the Olympic stadium for her arrival.

“Good evening Mr. Bond,” was her only line.

Olympic embarrassments were few, but they began early with organizers forced into apologies for displaying the South Korean flag on a video screen for North Korea‘s women’s soccer team.

British cycling sensation Bradley “the Modfather” Wiggins became the first Briton to win the Tour de France, sparking a craze among fans for cutout cardboard sideburns modeled on his own and shouting “here Wiggo” as he raced to Olympic gold.

London’s eccentric and loquacious Mayor Boris Johnson fell rather awkwardly silent when he got stuck dangling from a zip wire, waving two Union flags in drizzling rain.

Olympic chiefs urged youthful athletes to drink “sensibly”.

But there was anything but restraint for Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt, who declared an early night at one point only to be photographed later with three members of the Swedish women’s handball team. Early one Sunday morning Bolt also dazzled dancers at a London night club with a turn in the DJ booth.

“I am a legend,” Bolt shouted out to a packed dance floor from the decks with his arms raised in the air.

Towards the close of the year, tens of thousands of mystics, hippies and tourists celebrated in the shadow of ancient Maya pyramids in southeastern Mexico as the Earth survived a day billed by doomsday theorists as the end of the world.

“It’s pure Hollywood,” said Luis Mis Rodriguez, 45, a Maya selling obsidian figurines and souvenirs.

Finally, a chubby, rapping singer with slicked-back hair and a tacky suit became the latest musical sensation to burst upon the world from South Korea, via a YouTube music video that has been seen more than a billion times.

Decked out in a bow tie and suit jackets varying from pink to baby blue, as well as a towel for one sequence set in a sauna, Psy busts funky moves based on horse-riding in venues ranging from playgrounds to subways.

The video by Psy has been emulated by everyone from Chinese dissident artist Ai Weiwei to students at Britain’s elite Eton College, gurning politicians, spotty teens and embarrassing dads worldwide.

“My goal in this music video was to look uncool until the end. I achieved it,” Psy told Reuters.

(Reporting by Paul Casciato; editing by Mike Collett-White)

Internet News Headlines – Yahoo! News

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‘Rings’ trilogy sound editor Hopkins dies in NZ

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) — Oscar-winning sound editor Mike Hopkins, who worked on the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy and other Peter Jackson films, has died in a rafting accident in New Zealand. He was 53.

Hopkins drowned on Sunday when his inflatable raft capsized during a flash flood in a river on New Zealand‘s North Island, police senior Sgt. Carolyn Watson said. His wife survived.

The New Zealand Herald newspaper quoted “Rings” director Peter Jackson as saying many actors, directors and film crew members who were lucky enough to work with Hopkins would miss him deeply.

“Mike was a very genuine, caring and warm-hearted guy with a great sense of humor,” Jackson said.

A native New Zealander, Hopkins shared Oscars with sound editing partner Ethan Van der Ryn in 2006 for “King Kong” and in 2003 for “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.” They also were nominated for 2007′s “Transformers.”

Hopkins also was sound editor on the two other “Rings” films and had worked on earlier Jackson movies including “Heavenly Creatures” and “The Frighteners.”

The Herald reported a family celebration of Hopkins’ life was planned on Thursday.

A river contractor, Bruce Slater, and his son used a jet boat to rescue Hopkins’ wife. Nicci Hopkins had been in the Waiohine River two hours and was clinging to a ledge in a narrow part of the gorge too dangerous for bigger boats or a helicopter.

Watson called the Slaters heroic. Slater told Fairfax New Zealand the flash flood raised the river 2 to 3 meters (9.8 feet) while the rafters were in the water.

“If they’d been half an hour earlier, they would have been clear of the gorge,” he said. And a half hour later, the water levels would have been noticeably dangerous before the rafters launched, Slater said.

Entertainment News Headlines – Yahoo! News

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